WARNING
ALIEN ABDUCTIONS HAVE BEEN TAKING PLACE
We believe one of our management team has been abducted by aliens
Our colleague vanished several weeks ago
There have not been any confirmed sighting of him since his disappearance
However, UFO sightings have been reported in his locality
He failed to give us our traditional Christmas Presents - most unlike him
He even failed to wish us HAPPY NEW YEAR
We urgently require his return as he is the only person with the KEY to the restroom
Anyone with any contact to Martians please ask for his return