I am a bit baffled?

[Melli]

I would just like to know why does so many Alevi people get married to their cousins? In my culture ist a sin to get married to a cousin and its still considered blood. I am not being ugly by saying so, but i would just like to get to understand why that is?

[Lost]

hey..
i think you should know that most of Kurdish are Muslims and Islam religion didn't SAY that marrying your cousin is forbidden second it's kurdish culture belongs to long time, most of classic families still want their son & daughter gets married with her/his cousin.. in arabina culutre you can see the same thing .. in past it was a shame on kurdish guy marry other girl since he had a cousin .. in other words it was shame to marry someone not relative while he had cousins or female natives.. but not now..

[Savy]

Where are you from?

Well, there is not any godly idea behind marrying cousins. It is just because the society is traditional and people are have a very narrow circle of acquintances. Young people cannot find a girl-boy to marry. So takes the initiative the family, and arranges a marriage usually with a girl whom they are familiar with and trust. Close family ties is considered to be a guarantee that both families get on well ..etc

[Melli]

Savy,

I am originally from South Africa, but relocated to Austria over 3 years ago.

I did not mean to offend anyone here with my question or the way I said anything. I was just wondering how it works and why? I mean i am very openminded and dont condem people who do that, I was just saying for me if i had to do that it will be fround apon and it would be seen as not the right thing to do. But then again that does not mean that i have the same view as everyone els, lets just say my mother is a REAL BIG RELIGIOUS Person and growing up with constantly hearing how everything you do is wrong I have come accustumed to go with my heart.

[Savy]

I am not offended. I understand your curiosity about this weird thing.

As I told you, Middle Eastern socities are not yet fully modernised; therefore, individuals have limited say in their own affaires. Family approval is a must before marrying someone. In your particular case, I cannot tell a definite answer about his motives behind marrying a Kurdish girl and wanting you to miscarriage your unborn child.
It is possible that he doesn't feel himself ready enough to shoulder a child.
It is possible that his family enforces him to marry a Kurdish girl.

Marrying to cousins,

Like I said, our societies are quasi-traditional; families arrange marriages for their children. Finding a girl of relative is some kind of comfort for them. Because they know the family, they know the girl; they suppose that these things will smoothen the relationship between the couples and the families in the future.
Of course, it is not a rule. People marry to other person as well as their cousins.

[Diri]

@Melli

This is your 3rd membership account...

PLEASE stick to using ONE account...



@topic

Your religion doesn't forbid cousins marrying... You're Christian, right? Well surprise: Christians have even married their sisters and brothers some places in the past... Like here in Norway - that COULD happen sometimes...

And back in the Roman Empire - it was not a sin to have incestual relations with your brother/sister...

Anyway - your question isn't just directed at Alevis - but at all cultures where this happens... It's only recently that some countries have forbidden such relations...

[Melli]

Diri,

Please note that this is not my 3rd membership. I only have one account and that is it.

As for the whole marriage with cousins, I asked as i just could not understand that its fine to marry your cousin, but not ok to marry a girl from another culture??? I never said any culture is perfect mine is far from it either.

[Diri]

Diri,

Please note that this is not my 3rd membership. I only have one account and that is it.

As for the whole marriage with cousins, I asked as i just could not understand that its fine to marry your cousin, but not ok to marry a girl from another culture??? I never said any culture is perfect mine is far from it either.

Yes - sorry for that... I thought you and Angel were the same! Sorry!


You are mixing feelings and facts here, Melli...

There are no rules for who can marry who - except that siblings (brothers and sisters) can't marry eachother...

Just 40-50-60 years ago - it was more normal for cousins to marry... EVERYWHERE - in Europe, Africa, America etc. - but that's changing...

You shouldn't have a set mind - be open... Don't think black or white - it will only harm you in the end... Things are always more nuanced and complex than what they seem!

Best wishes

[Melli]

Diri,

Yes that is true I am mixing facts with my feelings which is not the right thing to do. As for me to keep an openmind, well you will be actually very surprised of how openminded I can be. This whole subject of cousins marriaing each other and so forth, well like i said have nothing against it, just dont understand why I would not make a perfect wife for him. I guess at the end its all about people what they think and feel at the end.

[Diri]

Diri,

Yes that is true I am mixing facts with my feelings which is not the right thing to do. As for me to keep an openmind, well you will be actually very surprised of how openminded I can be. This whole subject of cousins marriaing each other and so forth, well like i said have nothing against it, just dont understand why I would not make a perfect wife for him. I guess at the end its all about people what they think and feel at the end.

You sound bitter...

And that's not good. I hope you understand that your case is unique and can only be answered by yourself and him.

AS for cousins marrying cousins - that is not the norm in Kurdistan - although it was very normal 50 years ago... Now it's not common anymore - because people started to think differently and many think it's taboo to marry your cousin... Especially in terms of children - that they may become inbred...

Anyway - I hope you find a way to live with your choices... Life goes on...