Author: Anthea » Sat Sep 28, 2013 7:50 pm
talsor wrote:Unless the father is a drunk or a drug addict or a criminal or insane it is inhuman to cut him from the child's life . The problem is between you and the father and the child has nothing to do with it . In my view a half bad father/mother is better than not having father/mother .
http://www.fatherhood.org/media/consequ ... statistics
I studied child psychology along with educational psychology and with my own personal experience I have an extremely large pool of knowledge and expertise.
I left my husband because he was a control freak and I wanted to go to university. I am happy to tell you that we parted the best of friends and when he remarried I became close friends with his new wife. We used to have each other's door keys and our children grew up together. Unfortunately, this is seldom the case. Parents who part are generally bitter towards each other. Where children are involved they are very often used by one parent to get back at the other.
Most recent example I give here:
Lovely lady had to leave her drunken wife beating husband. Even though he had almost killed her she was determined to make sure that her boys only saw good in their father. The father used this and told his sons their mother had lots of boyfriends and she had left him for a young man. Untrue, the police had taken her to a women's safe house. The boys were far too young at the time to understand. The father never paid to support either his ex-wife or sons and the lived in poverty. The father had a new house, a new wife (who he also beat but she was too scared to tell the police), and gave the boys everything the poor mother could not. Eventually the father decided that he wanted his now young teenage boys to live with him. In the court the boys were asked who they wanted to live with, they chose their father simply because he bought they everything they wanted. The mother had a breakdown.
Over the years one of the worst problems I have seen is that when children are young they are a novelty for a father who might take his young child out for a day. Single male parents are women magnets. Rather akin to having a cute dog. A woman will feel safe to talk to a strange man if he has a cute baby with him.
However, when the child grows out of being cute and starts wanting things, or expects regular visits, things go downhill fast. Children are left looking out of windows waiting for fathers who have not bothered to turn up for regular visits. And as time goes on normally those visits become less regular. Children are left crying wondering what they have done wrong, and asking why daddy hates them. Almost as bad is the shouting and swearing between parents when the father does turn up. Then there are the parents who try to get the children to tell tales on the other parent and find out if the other parent has a new boyfriend or girlfriend.
I do not remember the figure off-hand but a very large percentage of divorced men totally lose contact with their children after 3 years. And a great many of those children blame themselves, it affects their entire lives.
If a man is a liar and lets down the mother as is the case with sadkurdlover, could he be trusted not to let down his daughter. I think not.
A child is for life not just for Christmas. If the father is a good person he should be encouraged to take part in his child's life. If past experience shows him not to be a good person then his visits should be limited to supervised visits on a regular basis. If a man keeps up regular visits then eventually, and only after he has proved himself to be reliable, should he be allowed unsupervised access.
My Name Is KURDISTAN And I Will Be FREE