are kurdish men faithful?

[SadKurdLover]

No I don't have any Kurdish female friends, and no he hasn't taken me to any parties. I have only met one brother in law and some male friends. I am meant to meet his sister soon and her kids, I have already met her husband.

[Anthea]

That's not what i said, stop being blatantly racist. I said that kurds aren't any different from other people. Some are dishonest some are honest. She meet one kurd who is irresponsible, young and selfish. That does not mean the majority of kurds in Uk are dishonest. This board has lots of kurds in it. Now I said i accepted that this is an international board, but you're going too far by accusing all kurds in the Uk of being dishonest. Would you enjoy it if someone made gross generalizations and racist assumptions on english people? Hardly. So stop with these nonsensical bigoted views. There is a difference between being critical and being racist, you've crossed the boundary there. If you want to say racist things about kurdish community in UK, go to a nationalist turkish board instead. You don't get to be racist, just because you have kurdish friends.

There you go getting it all wrong again

I never actually said that you said there are some very honest and sincere Kurdish men - just not very many in the UK - but they do exist

I meant Feyli_kord is right as in you are an example of an honest man and there are other similar to you

I am perfectly right in stating that most Kurdish men - especially those from Iraq and from more rural areas - do tend to marry young

[Anthea]

No I don't have any Kurdish female friends, and no he hasn't taken me to any parties. I have only met one brother in law and some male friends. I am meant to meet his sister soon and her kids, I have already met her husband.

There is a lot of he said in your answers:

He said he has been away from home for 13 years - if that were true and he had spent those 13 years in UK he would have most certainly gained the legal right to remain here

He says he has no wife - I say I believe in Father Christmas - does not make it fact

He said he has told his family and friends that he is going to be a father

He said he has made a mistake and wants to know his baby when it is born and that he loves me and wants to be a family

I feel terribly sad for you

It does not sound right to me that after all those months the only person he has introduced you to is his brother

I could be mistaken - perhaps there is a good reason why you have not met any of his friends - do you live in an area where there are not any other Kurds?

NOTE: Kurds have parties every weekend - wedding parties - circumcision parties - enormous parties for vast extended families and friends - totally unlike the average tiny English house-party

[Feyli_kord]

There you go getting it all wrong again

No, i'm not getting it wrong. You have that well established bigoted prejudice that many westerners seem to groom, that all middle-eastern men are dishonest, sleazy and sexist. You might aswell throw in islam, while you're at it and say that all muslim men are sexist. I don't know how many times i've heard this from westerners. Sorry, i'm not going to take this from you. If you want to be bigoted and prejudiced, do it on your own time. Do you want prejudices and bigotry being thrown towards indians and english? I'm sure you'd enjoy that.

I never actually said that you said [i][color=#BF0000]there are some very honest and sincere Kurdish men - just not very many in the UK - but they do exist

Yeah, they're there, but the rest are all sleazy and dishonest and misogynist. That's fantastic, you tarred half the kurdish community in england, which is what 100 000 people? They're all sleazy, misogynist and dishonest. Can I get a license to talk shit and character assasinate english or indian people?

[SadKurdLover]

He claims that his claim for asylum got turned down and he has kept appealing it since and can do that for years. Like I said I know a lot of it doesn't add up. I have met more than one male friend, but the only family I have met is his brother in law. I have seen his family (mum, sister and brother) on Turkey on Skype, but I know that doesn't mean much either. I did quiz him many times about a wife as I think a mid thirties Kurdish man is likely to be or to have been married at some point, but he is adamant that he has not. He doesn't talk about going to any parties or even spending much time with other Kurdish people, and he will often avoid his sister's house if it's full of other Kurdish people as he says he can't be bothered with it.
I guess I'll never really know the half of it unless he decides to suddenly be honest. Thanks for your reply.

[Anthea]

He claims that his claim for asylum got turned down and he has kept appealing it since and can do that for years. Like I said I know a lot of it doesn't add up. I have met more than one male friend, but the only family I have met is his brother in law. I have seen his family (mum, sister and brother) on Turkey on Skype, but I know that doesn't mean much either. I did quiz him many times about a wife as I think a mid thirties Kurdish man is likely to be or to have been married at some point, but he is adamant that he has not. He doesn't talk about going to any parties or even spending much time with other Kurdish people, and he will often avoid his sister's house if it's full of other Kurdish people as he says he can't be bothered with it.
I guess I'll never really know the half of it unless he decides to suddenly be honest. Thanks for your reply.

Are you prepared to take the bull by the horns - so to speak?

You could tell him you want to learn more about his culture - and want to meet Kurdish ladies - help them with their English

If he is genuine he will be delighted you wish to learn more about Kurdish history and culture - he will be really PROUD that you want to help - if he is not delighted and does not encourage you or allow you to mix with the ladies DROP HIM

[Feyli_kord]

You could tell him you want to learn more about his culture - and want to meet Kurdish ladies - help them with their English

If he is genuine he will be delighted you wish to learn more about Kurdish history and culture - he will be really PROUD that you want to help - if he is not delighted and does not encourage you or allow you to mix with the ladies DROP HIM

I agree, drop him and marry an englishman.

[SadKurdLover]

Ok thanks for that, will say I want to meet some Kurdish women and see what transpires.

[Anthea]

Ok thanks for that, will say I want to meet some Kurdish women and see what transpires.

GOOD LUCK

[Anthea]

Any luck with your man ?

[SadKurdLover]

Not managed to address it yet as we live in different cities and thinking it will be a better conversation face to face when we next meet. I am still feeling like I probably never can trust him, and feeling a bit dejected about it all if I'm honest, but thanks for asking

[Feyli_kord]

Not managed to address it yet as we live in different cities and thinking it will be a better conversation face to face when we next meet. I am still feeling like I probably never can trust him, and feeling a bit dejected about it all if I'm honest, but thanks for asking

There is a cultural gap i think, that can't be closed. A seperation would make sense at this point. I don't think it will workout unless you're willing to become muslim or if you get to a compromise.

[Anthea]

Not managed to address it yet as we live in different cities and thinking it will be a better conversation face to face when we next meet. I am still feeling like I probably never can trust him, and feeling a bit dejected about it all if I'm honest, but thanks for asking

Try not to feel too down - at least you are being sensible and working through your doubts and fears before you commit to marriage

If you marry this man:
Will he still be there in 10 years from now?
Does he love the child you already have?
Would he ignore your child and treat his and your any child differently?
Would he ever take his child away from you?
How would he support you?
Could he become violent?

You do not live together - good for you - gives you space to think - if you do not live together he would not be able to claim the right to remain in UK under the right to family life - under that ruling you have to show that you are living as a family - bills in joint names - registered with local doctor - bank account at your address etc

Perhaps it would be best for you to wait until after your baby is born - see how he behaves during the next few months - will his sister be at the birth - Kurds love new babies

You do NOT have to become a Muslim

[Anthea]

I am still feeling like I probably never can trust him

I have found a way to prevent men from being unfaithful - please view my thread for women only

This is for women ONLY: any man viewing must be GAY

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=13053&p=100917#wrap

[SadKurdLover]

Feyli_Kord
Maybe a separation would be better at this point not sure. We did separate for 2 months and have only just reconciled, but yes lots of compromise would be needed to move forward I think.

Thanks Anthea, lots to think about, I will try to answer you best I can. I didn't realise that living together would be necessary for him to show he has a family life here, might be why he's pushing for it so suddenly. An Indian friend rolled her eyes at me when I told her he was back and said 'oh that will be for the passport then'...so maybe I am naïve to think there's anything else behind his sudden U-turn towards us. She has experience of this in her family I think.
I think I will wait for a few months to see how things go after the baby is here and will not rush into living together. Being 30 miles away from each other will not help us to be a family very easily though.
He treats my daughter well, she's only 3, and he has said he wants to be a dad to her as well if I am in agreement.
He's never been violent to me or to any other women that I know of, except he has had a couple of disagreements with Kurdish men that came to blows in the time I've known him. He's never made me feel that he could be violent towards me but maybe violence to other men is a red flag also?
I don't know if he would still be here in 10 years' time, I'm inclined to think not. I guess if he never gets his passport then probably not.

I don't think his sister will be at the birth no, she's 30 miles away and we haven't met yet, plus she has 3 kids of her own to look after. I will bring the baby to see her though and will include her as much as possible.

Thanks as always for taking the time to read and reply, means a lot.