hi! helen frm uk!can sum1 pls giv advice on topic thx

[Kubilay]

this is our privat word - kurdish privat word, so let me to leave your question with no answer, please.

Ok. You not like me but I like you.

its not the matter of likes and dislikes...

i am kurdish - you turk - and you like me...? WOW! the world is getting better

Yes. It is.
How you doing?

[helen26]

thanx to all replys very much apreciated x i though same things over past few days cant settle and things have go alot worse his family now know which acording to his attitude is not good he has come round a bit to idea of having baby(too late to address situation any other way im over 3mths plus idont agree in abortion for myself too others each to there own)i just feel maybe 1yr down line he'll walk away i feel he wanted his cake and eat it as we say in uk now situation got serious he is scared which is to be expected i love him and he does tell me every day same i just dont know x

[Kulka]

dear helen - love is responsibility, love is respect, love is understanding of other person way of life, culture and social context = its not only looking into the eyes and having sex. maybe i seem to be a monster now - but my honest words to you are - i dont think you love him, if you love him, first you will know about his culture and second you will never decide to have a baby with no marriage and even no clear situation about the relationship. think about it.

[Kulka]

its not the matter of likes and dislikes...

i am kurdish - you turk - and you like me...? WOW! the world is getting better [/quote]
Yes. It is.
How you doing? [/quote]

Kubilay - I am fine thank you. you are second Turk, who talk with me normal way, so i really started to look into the future with a little bit of hope.
wish you nice weekend

[kurdangel]

Welcome on board
To be very frank with you helen,
By the sounds of it.. Get rid of the baby because he is playing with you.
I know we live in europe.. but he has obligations back at home.
If he REALLY loves you he would have married you and would also introduced you to his parents

[helen26]

to the person who thought i dont love him i accept ur opinion thats why im here but i do love him and respect him more than you will ever comprehend i was under the impression we were to be married eventually he had promised as soon as he gets his passport or indefenate leave to remain we will do straight away and he took to my daughter very much if he had no intention ofdoing s o do you think he would be as cruel as to mislead a child of 5yrs who he knows adores him completely i dont but i could have been completely wrong?i think baby frightens him its more than we anticipated for just now because we did know thi risks of deportation i was using pill but have been ill so didnt have full effect we under no circumstances wanted a baby now we were taking each day as it came along living for the now as we knew he could be gone tomorow i just wish i could fix for him i really do it saddens me people who come to our country for help and support are treated so scornfully and disrespected so x

[helen26]

the one who told me get rid of the baby i cant im too far gone he has introduced me to his brother and wife but his parents are kurdish speaking which i am not i am trying to learn (must say not easy lol)ithad crossed my mind he may have wife and other children back home ? i asked him and he denyed and so i respected his answer and trusted he would not lie to me am i nieve to be so trusting u think ? x

[Kubilay]

Kulka Im glad you fine. Im fine to cause I finaly pay off my debt.
Whos first turk?
Wish you have nice weekend too.



Helen its good youre not going to get rid of baby.

[eg0u61c9]

hi all im recently in relationship with kurdish man 7mths iam now expecting his child i already have daughter to my ex husband whom i left due to severe domestic abuse to our child and myself. he doesnt have passport we live in uk he says he would marry me when have passport but i have never met his family or even spoken to any of them we spoken about the baby and he isnt keen on keeping the pregnancy but is coming round slowely he says he loves me as i do him dearly but cant help feeling there may be an underlying issue here such as wife and kids back home which he denys im so happy to be having his child id love to have a son for him but cant enjoy this special time due to my worries i just want a healthy baby (son or daughter)and a real happy marrage in the future i knew his status when we met and that he could be deported any time but couldnt help falling in love he says this is only reason why he didnt want child as he wouldnt see the child which i do understand pls advise ( im white scottish) x thank you and peace to all xxx

Dear helen,

In Kurdistan, babies are not accepted outside marriage due to cultural and religious issues. If your boyfriend truly loves you and cares about your relationship and he wants to marry you, he can do so by taking you to a mosque and do it in a Islamic way (dont worry you dont need to be a muslim ). That will make life easier for his family back home and i am certain than, they will accept you and the baby just like he was married to a Kurdish girl .

I am aware that in the past Home office was not allowing failed asylum seekers to marry British citizens but i believe the law has changed in the past six or twelve months as i read an article on BBC several month ago, both of you should talk to a solicitor and learn your options, do not take peoples word!

God forbid, if he ever gets deported , you can always bring him back to the UK under the family reunion visa . Bear in mind, if he has this baby with you, he has much better chances of getting his passport under humanitarian laws (I am not a lawyer but i know all of this due to my voluntary work at a refuge centre).

Good luck Helen and wish you all the best.

[Kulka]

@Kubilay - you asking about the other turk who was nice - the story is a bit funny - coz i saw his comment on one website, and the comment was : "Ataturk is gey" - so i was sure he is Kurd, but when i take a look at his profile, i saw turkish flag there and i send him question, why kurd has turkish flag on profile. He replied that he is not Kurd, but Turk and we started to talk (in messages). He said he is sorry for what Turkya is doing to kurdish people and what was going on in the past. i also asked him why he wrote that Ataturk is gey? He answered that he doesnt like ataturk and thats what he thinks about him. And genesrally he talked very nice way, so i was suprised. thats the story.

unfortunately i am at work sionce thursday till next monday - maybe tuesday as well, i dont know yet, so my weekend is going to be not very nice - but at the other hand - i am working with a lot of great Kurdish poeple, so its not too bad.
i wish you and all people here great sunday! See ya!

[helen26]

many thanx for replys i really apreciate your insight on this matter unfortunately my cowardly boyfriend has taken familys advise and finnished with me today and basically told me to havebaby its my choice he cant stop me and all this by TEXT thats why i say coward and i never use such words lightly i do understand hes scared his family meen so much to him and he thinks by leaving me will solve many unnessesry problems in everyones case he has been terrified of having a baby from the start i can only hope and pray he come round and maybe his family also! Until then i will just give him space so everyone peace and thanku !

[Kulka]

and one more word, Helen - you told us you love this boy. so how come you call him "coward"? i completly dont understand that - if i would love someone i would never use any words like that to this person.
and by the way - its culture, and has nothing to do with "coward" attitude. Inshalla, one day you will understand what i mean.

[helen26]

i use the word coward as refferal to how he ended our relationship ! any normal person who does love the person as he had claimed would come to them in face to do such a thing baring in mind i also have a daughter who over time has grown to love and adore this man and he didnt even offer to explain or say goodby to her im sorry but no matter how much i love him that screams coward in my book and whether or not his family have ordered him to stay away hes a grown man i do love him dearly and its breaking my heart all this but i know as a good human being if the shoe was on the other foot i would have never abandoned my step child(whom he freely agreed to take on as his own) my unborn baby and my fiance on the whim of another by TEXT its very much so cowardly and for another to say i dont understand his culture yes your correct i dont im trying to learn but no ones culture states ending a relationship must be done by text im sure its the exact opposite speak to that person ,dont dump your responsibilities and yes familys everything something i dont have due to giving mine up for him more fool me but he is my family and the unborn baby i would assume comes under family or am i wrong there also because we are not married ? i want to undersatnd why he has done this but right now im angry dam angry who wouldnt be ? thank for your comment but pls without knowing me do not pressume how i feel towards this man !

[Kulka]

you must know and learn one thing, my dear - we are a little bit different from the world that you used to know since you was born and you used to grown up with. you have to know that if kurdish boy is saying to non-kurdish girl "I love you" - it doesnt mean "i will stay with you till the end of my life and i will marry you". next what you should know - you are not widow, your proper housband is still alive (no matter what kind of person he is and how he behave toward you) - you are married person with kid from the other man, the man who is still alive - in kurdish culture we dont have this habit to get married to someone who already has housband /wife and kids. third - you do sex with him, but wasnt his wife - its also not acceptable in kurdish culture. and there are a lot of things like that - which you should know BEFORE - you tried to be with Kurd. and how can you expect him to respect you if you dont respect yourself?
by the way - in kurdish culture family sometimes suggest young people to marry someone, but if boy or girl doesnt accept family choice - noone is able to force them to marry. we are not slaves, we have big respect for families, but it doesnt mean we are slaves.
and believe me - i know european people who finish relationships by texting or even with no single word, with no explanation at all.
and i suggest you not to use words like "coward" to any Kurd on that forum, ok? thank you.

[Barış]

you must know and learn one thing, my dear - we are a little bit different from the world that you used to know since you was born and you used to grown up with. you have to know that if kurdish boy is saying to non-kurdish girl "I love you" - it doesnt mean "i will stay with you till the end of my life and i will marry you". next what you should know - you are not widow, your proper housband is still alive (no matter what kind of person he is and how he behave toward you) - you are married person with kid from the other man, the man who is still alive - in kurdish culture we dont have this habit to get married to someone who already has housband /wife and kids. third - you do sex with him, but wasnt his wife - its also not acceptable in kurdish culture. and there are a lot of things like that - which you should know BEFORE - you tried to be with Kurd. and how can you expect him to respect you if you dont respect yourself?
by the way - in kurdish culture family sometimes suggest young people to marry someone, but if boy or girl doesnt accept family choice - noone is able to force them to marry. we are not slaves, we have big respect for families, but it doesnt mean we are slaves.
and believe me - i know european people who finish relationships by texting or even with no single word, with no explanation at all.
and i suggest you not to use words like "coward" to any Kurd on that forum, ok? thank you.

Ah, okey, ya should understand 'the World that she used to know', since ya are not ethnically Kurd, and were not ya also dumped by a ultra-conservative kurd? Ya didn't have sex with him and get pregnant, but do know how much it hurts when in love with a person and they break up with ya. So where's your compassion and understanding toward her regarding this?

In Kurds, Türkic and other peoples, there are always the few ultra-conservatives, unfortunately, in all.
Anyway, there are also cowards in every country that don't want deal with the responsibility of caring for their child!