are kurdish men faithful?

[Anthea]

Do you mean will I tell my child their origins? if so, yes.

I think that I should tell you Kurds all gossip - the women are the biggest gossips I know - but the men are nearly as bad - what one Kurd knows he will share - the Kurdish grapevine is like no other that I have come across - this man will tell lies about you - you should stay away from Kurds - OR - BIG OR - you could show that you are better than him - offer to help Kurdish ladies - get to know what a warm friendly people Kurds really are - this man's behaviour totally goes against normal Kurdish norms

[SadKurdLover]

I have noticed this too, the men do gossip. I don't know any Kurdish women and none live near me they are all living where he lives...and I won't have occasion to go there again now that we are over.

[Anthea]

I have noticed this too, the men do gossip. I don't know any Kurdish women and none live near me they are all living where he lives...and I won't have occasion to go there again now that we are over.

However did you manage to meet Mr Charming?

I suggest you change your facebook account

[SadKurdLover]

He was working in my town when I met him. I have blocked him on facebook now as he was messaging me on there saying he wants me back etc...but I knew he was also texting the other woman saying the very same to her.

[Anthea]

He was working in my town when I met him. I have blocked him on facebook now as he was messaging me on there saying he wants me back etc...but I knew he was also texting the other woman saying the very same to her.

He will probably use friends or other names to get to you - just stay strong - it is not going to be easy but better rid of him before there is any attachment between him and the baby

How did you find out about him and the other woman?

Are you positive that she is not playing games with you?

It is still hard for me to believe that a Kurd would be so bad - but I have never met one as a stranger - my network of friends just expanded - other Kurds I know from English classes - perhaps as I am a teacher they only show me their good side

[SadKurdLover]

I found 2 other secret facebooks that he had denied he had, she was on one of them commenting on all his pictures, amongst other women. I originally sent all of them a message telling them who I was and that I was having his baby and didn't want anyone else to get hurt by him if they were more than his friend. She originally said she was just a friend as he had schooled her to say that, saying I was a nutter who was trying to blame him for my pregnancy when it could be anyone's and I wasn't a good person etc. I sent her another message telling her more of what he'd been saying and when and she realised he was still seeing me and her at the same time and that it wasn't fair to me to lie.
I really don't think she's playing with me, no and she showed me texts he'd sent her, some of them sent when he was actually with me, saying hi darling miss you, love you etc. He has owned up to it, he's not claiming that she wasn't with him he's just saying now that he wants me not her...and saying the same thing to her. He is trying to hedge his bets.
I for one have no interest in having him back, I would be ill wondering where he was all the time and if he was cheating again and me and my kids all deserve better.

It is pretty awful behaviour, no wonder you have trouble believing how bad it is. I guess he's just not family orientated and has no respect for UK women. I'm glad you've not come across this much, gives me hope that it isn't a Kurdish thing after all.

[Anthea]

I found 2 other secret facebooks that he had denied he had, she was on one of them commenting on all his pictures, amongst other women. I originally sent all of them a message telling them who I was and that I was having his baby and didn't want anyone else to get hurt by him if they were more than his friend. She originally said she was just a friend as he had schooled her to say that, saying I was a nutter who was trying to blame him for my pregnancy when it could be anyone's and I wasn't a good person etc. I sent her another message telling her more of what he'd been saying and when and she realised he was still seeing me and her at the same time and that it wasn't fair to me to lie.
I really don't think she's playing with me, no and she showed me texts he'd sent her, some of them sent when he was actually with me, saying hi darling miss you, love you etc. He has owned up to it, he's not claiming that she wasn't with him he's just saying now that he wants me not her...and saying the same thing to her. He is trying to hedge his bets.
I for one have no interest in having him back, I would be ill wondering where he was all the time and if he was cheating again and me and my kids all deserve better.
{/quote]
He sounds devious - cold-blooded - calculating to the point of ruthlessness

It is pretty awful behaviour, no wonder you have trouble believing how bad it is. I guess he's just not family orientated and has no respect for UK women. I'm glad you've not come across this much, gives me hope that it isn't a Kurdish thing after all.

Most definitely not a Kurdish thing - his behaviour is a disgrace to his entire family and the community as a whole

Some Kurdish youths get carried away by the freedoms when they first come to England - let us be honest some English girls are easy - for these young men it is rather like me being locked ion the Cadbury factory and not being tempted to eat anything - but Mr Charm has been here long enough to know better - may his wedding tackle whither and cease to function - if he is the same as many Kurdish men and smokes too much - then it will probably stop working soon

[Feyli_kord]

Yeah, he's a player with some sociopathy, if what you all described is accurate, he definitely exhibits some of those traits. Some studies say that people with psychopathy or psychopathic traits are about 10% of the population.

Facet 1: Interpersonal

Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative

Facet 2: Affective

Lack of remorse or guilt
Emotionally shallow
Callous/lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions



Facet 3: Lifestyle

Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Lack of realistic, long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility

Facet 4: Antisocial

Poor behavioral controls
Early behavioral problems
Juvenile delinquency
Revocation of conditional release
Criminal versatility



Many short-term marital relationships
Promiscuous sexual behavior

[Anthea]

@ SadKurdLover

I hope that you are feeling more positive now

Remember a problem is an opportunity for change and improvement - and in the case of Mr Charm anything will be an improvement

[Shirko]

This sounds like 80%of the people I know, including me
just kidding

Yeah, he's a player with some sociopathy, if what you all described is accurate, he definitely exhibits some of those traits. Some studies say that people with psychopathy or psychopathic traits are about 10% of the population.

Facet 1: Interpersonal

Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative

Facet 2: Affective

Lack of remorse or guilt
Emotionally shallow
Callous/lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions



Facet 3: Lifestyle

Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Lack of realistic, long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility

Facet 4: Antisocial

Poor behavioral controls
Early behavioral problems
Juvenile delinquency
Revocation of conditional release
Criminal versatility



Many short-term marital relationships
Promiscuous sexual behavior

[Piling]

Indeed it is the portrait of 90% of politicians

[Anthea]

Mr Charm comes from an honour and shame based family and cultural background - extremely shame based

It would not surprise me if he tried to lie his way back into your life just to save face within the family/community - his parents would wish to see their grandchild

He will be blaming you - saying that you lead him on - he will say or do anything to make him appear to be the innocent party

BEWARE you have already said he has a violent side to his nature - never meet him alone - change your locks if he has a key - he could turn very nasty - not that he will - but better safe than sorry

[SadKurdLover]

He has been back around apologising profusely and asking if I can forgive him. He has also asked me to reconsider being with him and swears that he is a changed man from this day on and is even talking about marriage. Needless to say much as I would like to believe him, I don't. His family are possibly behind this, yes, but he doesn't have parents in this country and he can't go back to visit. He is now saying he will do his utmost for the child regardless of my decision but if I choose not to be with him he is going to move away and will see the baby when he is back to see relatives.
He has been violent with males, yes, and I am wondering if this is a red flag for me or not...but will heed what you say.

[Anthea]

I think that this is an extremely emotional time for you - if as he claims - he has genuinely changed (I would believe that as much as I believe in the tooth fairy and Father Christmas) - keep him at arms length for the next few months - if he has behaved himself for the entire 6 months then you could reconsider

Kurdish men who come here to work often leave their wives back home for months - sometimes even years at a time - but in all the time they remain in UK the vast majority would never shame their families by being unfaithful - so it will be reasonable of you to ask him to wait a few months until you have fully recovered from the birth - you need peace and calm - you need YOU TIME - you need time to bond with baby - at the moment you are a prime candidate for post natal depression - talk to your doctor

I would suggest that during those months if he wishes to see your baby - do so through Social Services - we do not know what sort of lies he has told his parents - they may have been told you are a terrible person and try to pressure him to take the baby - just be VERY careful - your children are most important and your own health and well being - you training will guide you - if possibly you should seek face to face counselling to help you work through your emotions

I suggest the Samaritans - in England they offer free counselling sessions - I expect it is the same in Scotland - they are totally unbiased - your parents and I will feel that Mr Charm needs a kick up the backside and deportation - your feelings are the ones that count - you and your children's future will rest on what you decide

Thought for the night: Marry in haste - repent at leisure

Good Luck

[Anthea]

@ SadKurdLover

I hope that you are getting on alright and taking care of yourself

What date is your baby due?