help! BF cheating?

[Ute Scheller]

I believe One user is creating multiple accounts , telling similar stories about how Kurdish men are cheaters .
Notice Same speech pattern , same grammatical mistakes , same structural mistakes . watch out for "Edits " (which are luckily timed) after this post

i dont know the others. but i'm not the one you're saying. i'm new here and don't know Kurdish culture at all. i'm in trouble with a kurdish boy now so here i am for help. Many thanks for the amazing people here to help me out! very appreciated

[Ute Scheller]

but he always ask me out for movies, dinners (he always paid), put his arms around me, hold my hands, hug me, gave me lots lots of compliments.. but we haven't kissed yet (we just know each other for two weeks and going out for one week!) i wonder if these sort of things are common between boys and girls as friends in your culture?

Not at all common between 2 friends.

I think you should tell him about the picture and ask who is this girl. He probably won't tell the truth. So you could be sure he is engaged or married.

and he dreamed of me a lot. even dream of kissing me!

[Piling]

Telling you such things, like hugging you and touching your hand etc are TESTS. The strategy of step by step. If you don't refuse it, he thinks you are ok and he will go further the next time. That is not a perverse thing, just an ordinary way to begin a relation ship in his culture. The problem is courtship from a married man (Kurdish or not) who would like to have an extra-relationship, without serious involvement.

Btw, if he pays everything that is normal for his culture, even for a friend : you are a female, it would be a shame for him to let you pay.

How old is he ? Is he in UK for a long time ?

[Anthea]

Then, this writer is a genius, because obviously it works.

[Ute Scheller]

Telling you such things, like hugging you and touching your hand etc are TESTS. The strategy of step by step. If you don't refuse it, he thinks you are ok and he will go further the next time. That is not a perverse thing, just an ordinary way to begin a relation ship in his culture. The problem is courtship from a married man (Kurdish or not) who would like to have an extra-relationship, without serious involvement.

Btw, if he pays everything that is normal for his culture, even for a friend : you are a female, it would be a shame for him to let you pay.

How old is he ? Is he in UK for a long time ?

He's still student, 29, being here for two years. we met at a dinner party and he just broke into my life... I feel shame that he pays for me and i always insist to pay myself, he just didnt allow me to ... so you mean i actually mistake him as a boyfriend depiste all those intimate things...and he's just testing me to see if i would the future mistress??

[Piling]

Well the problem is not his behavior if he would be free. 29 ? And he came recently from Kurdistan ? Then if he is engaged with someone in the country, it would not be a surprise. They are married soon, except if the family is poor. He might want to have a local GF during this 2 years.

The best thing is to question him about the picture and you will see what he tells. Truth can be cruel and hurt a lot, but better than being tormented by doubts and lies during months

[Ute Scheller]

Well the problem is not his behavior if he would be free. 29 ? And he came recently from Kurdistan ? Then if he is engaged with someone in the country, it would not be a surprise. They are married soon, except if the family is poor. He might want to have a local GF during this 2 years.

The best thing is to question him about the picture and you will see what he tells. Truth can be cruel and hurt a lot, but better than being tormented by doubts and lies during months

Thank you very much! i think i know what i shall do with him now.. It's better to keep distance from him and treat him as normal friend. i would not show him that photo as i'm afraid of his lies or truth... either way would hurt me a lot and he's married or going to marry that girl any way... i will not expect anything from him as he means nothing to me now, no more than a normal friend...
MANY THANKS, dear Piling, your comments very helpful

[Londoner]

something is wrong seriously.

This lady can not read Arabic Alphabet. But 1/1000000 I could be wrong.
The man is sorany, so he is either from South or East Kurdistan, where Arabic Alphabets used.

Now why on the the picture the writing is in Latin alphabet? In situations like this the writing is always in Arabic Alphabet.

How did she get the picture?

Did he write on the picture in Latin Alphabet and somehow planed for her to see the picture to give her a message?

[Ute Scheller]

something is wrong seriously.

This lady can not read Arabic Alphabet. But 1/1000000 I could be wrong.
The man is sorany, so he is either from South or East Kurdistan, where Arabic Alphabets used.

Now why on the the picture the writing is in Latin alphabet? In situations like this the writing is always in Arabic Alphabet.

How did she get the picture?

Did he write on the picture in Latin Alphabet and somehow planed for her to see the picture to give her a message?

he's from Iraq and speaks several languages. I only speaks english and german. i sort of accidently saw that photo on facebook. that photo is posted by the girl and he commented on it and i saw it. i couldnt understand any of those comments.

[Anthea]

i'm pretty much sure he's got married. i'm quite in the dilema...as he's said i'm just his special friend. if i questioned him about that photo, he would say that's someone else because that photo only has no faces in it and probably blame me mistake him as a boyfriend, as he never says i'm his girlfriend although he kept saying how pretty i am and i'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen...

I might have an answer for you - my experience only so might not be yours

I have met many Kurdish people - amd most of them have never had an English friend - to be honest I find that many are delighted to have an English friend - I have been invited to many homes by members of both sexes - but it has always been as a respected friend nothing more - I was often taken out for meals because my Kurdish friends always want to share their food and their culture - they are a warm friendly caring people

You may have mistaken brotherly friendship for something more - it depends on how long this man has been in UK - Kurdish men have sisters and they have wives but normally they will NOT have girlfriends - for many of them the thought of a girlfriend is not in their culture - if thyey were in their own country many would never even be alone with their future wife before marriage - also those that come here and leave wives or expected future wives behind may remain parted for many years but they ALWAYS go back

[Piling]

I doubt strongly that a 'brother' could dream about kisses and more or he is an Eastern Jaime Lannister.

He might not be cynical nor a lier. He could have been engaged and in England have a crush on someone else. He could have been engaged without what in Western we call real love (in Kurdistan they consider often that 'love' comes after the wedding… with chances). He could have been, like many men and women from all the world, at first in love with someone, and then suddenly being interesting by someone else. And then ready to cheat, as many humans.

But what I can advise is to be cautious and let's try to learn more about him before being too emotionally involved. After all, you know him since a week, that's not much, even for a friendship.

[Ute Scheller]

i'm pretty much sure he's got married. i'm quite in the dilema...as he's said i'm just his special friend. if i questioned him about that photo, he would say that's someone else because that photo only has no faces in it and probably blame me mistake him as a boyfriend, as he never says i'm his girlfriend although he kept saying how pretty i am and i'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen...

' I have been invited to many homes by members of both sexes - but it has always been as a respected friend nothing more - I was often taken out for meals because my Kurdish friends always want to share their food and their culture - they are a warm friendly caring people '

thanks Anthea, i partly agree with you and have the similar experience. his friends are very lovely.

'You may have mistaken brotherly friendship for something more'
he clearly said he doesn't want me to be his sister. We were joking about this before.

' - it depends on how long this man has been in UK - Kurdish men have sisters and they have wives but normally they will NOT have girlfriends '- for many of them the thought of a girlfriend is not in their culture'
he had an ex-girlfriend. he mentioned he want to live with me in a kingdom. i'm the queen and he's the king.. so i was assuming we are in a relationship since that time he said this. and he also dreamed of me a lot, even kissing me. is this brotherly friendship ? I'm so much confused....i've never been in a relationship before

[Ute Scheller]

I doubt strongly that a 'brother' could dream about kisses and more or he is an Eastern Jaime Lannister.

He might not be cynical nor a lier. He could have been engaged and in England have a crush on someone else. He could have been engaged without what in Western we call real love (in Kurdistan they consider often that 'love' comes after the wedding… with chances). He could have been, like many men and women from all the world, at first in love with someone, and then suddenly being interesting by someone else. And then ready to cheat, as many humans.

But what I can advise is to be cautious and let's try to learn more about him before being too emotionally involved. After all, you know him since a week, that's not much, even for a friendship.

thank you soooo much. i almost cried when reading this...you're right. one week is so short and we only met two weeks ago. but we got along so well...he messages me every day and kept saying how much he missing me even after two mins we departed....he says lots of nice things to me...so thats why i fell to him..but now, i'll stay alert no matter what he thinks of me, i'll just treat him as the most unspecial friend.

[Anthea]

I'm so much confused....i've never been in a relationship before

Without wanting to appear rude might I ask how old you are?

[Anthea]

And how old is this boy/man?